Ok everybody, what gives? When was it exactly when America stopped loving the movies? This box office slump has got me seriously feeling the blues. If not for the technicolor, psychi-kawhutzit magic of Scientology and my ever-fair Kate Cruise, in fact, I think I would have pushed my couch over the edge of a cliff sometime in August. Being a HUGE draw at the cinema, I’ve been taking my cut on the “back-end” of films for years. Since so many of you neglected to pay to see War of the Worlds last summer, I only made $25 million. I know. It totally sucks. Was planning on buying Kate the Eiffel Tower for a wedding gift, but now all I can afford is the freakin’ Leaning Tower of Pisa. Starting to wonder what kind of husband/father I will be for her...Anyway, Tom Cruise is through gambling on the success of movies. I want my compensation up front from now on. SHOW ME THE MONEY!!! hehehe...(man I want to kill myself). Not to say that risks are a bad thing. If I was younger and single (and had never battled the great monster dyslexia), I would totally take the “back-end” on Chronicles of Narnia or Brokeback Mountain...Ok maybe not Brokeback Mountain. But with the responsibilities as Kate’s future husband and father, I can’t play willy-nilly with our income. In conclusion, I would like to ask...nay beg the American people to return to the multiplexes. Your hard earned dollars determine whether we celebrities merely “live” or LIVE IT UP. The choice is yours.
Wednesday, February 1, 2006
