Just wanted to clarify something before the tabloids blow it out of proportion. When I said that I wanted to eat my future baby’s placenta, I was only kidding. Got tired of the media ridiculing we Scientologists and our simple birthing ways so I decided to say something outrageous and absurd...for once. No. I will not be dining on my baby’s placenta. That would be absolutely nuts. Everyone knows that the Xenu uses human placentas as shammies when spiffing up his alien soul-blocking spacecraft and Robert Kraft’s 2005 Super Bowl ring. So we will be burning our baby’s placenta ASAP in order to prevent him this evil satisfaction. As should all of you.
Factually Yours,
Tom and Kate Cruise
P.S. I actually will be eating the baby’s cord since it poses no benefit to Xenu and is a good source of protein. Am on the South Beach Diet and loving it!
I appreciate good parody as much as the next biggest box office draw ever, but who the hell is this guy in Scary Movie 4 supposed to be?
Monday, April 17, 2006
