For the Birds?

So tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. But ever since me and the other Paris called off our engagement, February 14 is just another day to get wasted and accidently get naked in public. Of course, I do get more flowers, lingerie, and chocolates from stalkers, social climbers and creepy old guys than a normal day but...Anyway why am I writing this???...Oh yeah.

It has recently come to my attention that there is a “bird flu” going around in the countries of Asia and Europe. I think this is horrible. I mean all those poor birdies sick with no one to take care of them. The stupid news people talk about humans dying but HELLO THE BIRDS ARE THE ONE WITH THE FLU!!! Instead of worrying about some stupid dying Chinamen shouldn’t we be trying to get these under-the-weather fowl some warm blankets, chicken noodle soup (or is that cannibalism? maybe just noodle soup), and Nyquil? I think it’s totally selfish how old people hog all the flu-shots when so many feathered friends are obviously in need. I mean I loved the bird on Polly. Not to mention the threat that “bird flu” poses to other animals (which I love EVERY ONE). Say Tweety Bird was infected, for instance. That means Sylvester would be infected every time he ate Tweety. And I can’t bare to see a “puttty tat” all sniffly and stomach-achy!!! So do something!!! Write your local president and tell him to save the birds.

Kisses, Paris

Monday, February 13, 2006