Thank you, America! Whoever said moviegoers weren’t interested in sitting through a 100 minute Keynote presentation on the environment is eating crow right now!!! (But hopefully not endangered crow) The $2 million grossed by An Inconvenient Truth definitely rates as one of the most impressive hauls in box office history. With success, however, inevitably comes criticism. It has come to my attention that certain “cartoons” are even questioning my integrity and my sanity. Wish I were joking but I am being completely serial here, people. While it may seem hypocritical that I fly around the globe in a Gulfstream then tell you lowly working clods to reduce your carbon emissions, I have a very good explanation. See the minimal emissions I produce traveling thousands of miles annually in a luxury jet are offset by the responsible, forward-looking sacrifices I make elsewhere in my life. While many of you squander valuable resources with Charmin bath tissue, for instance, I use the cheapest single-ply available...or the latest issue of Vanity Fair if Tipper forgets to go shopping. Flatulence is one of the leading causes of global warming so I have made the necessary lifestyle changes to combat this killer. Gone from my diet are refried beans, pork and beans, and my all-time favorite...chili con carne. I have even stopped consuming dairy products (in the event I become lactose-intolerant) and added Beano to my daily vitamin supplements. Let’s hear those South Park ninnies try to turn these sensible ideas into bathroom humor!!!
Wednesday, June 7, 2006
