Remember when the Oscars meant something? When they were actually about movies you had seen or wanted to see? The stars were bigger than life and life felt just a little smaller for that one amazing Hollywood night. Well those days are long gone, people. I would rather be kicked in the nads while listening to Michael Bolton cover Motown classics than have to watch ANY of the movies from 2006’s Academy crop. And no. I am not just bitter about not winning anything again. I mean I guess I should have expected it not being nominated in any category. But I was kinda hoping for a lifetime achievement award or maybe an Oscar-in-advance for my forthcoming epic Benchwarmers. The least those cock-gobblers could have done is let me is walk the red carpet and enter the building. Or at least hang out with the paparazzi near the red carpet. Anyway. My name is Rob Schneider and I have lost faith in the magic of motion pictures. Good night.
Sunday, March 5, 2006