Which brings us to today’s Talking Points ®:
*ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION IS A PROBLEM*
Clearly the rampant invasion of Mexicans across our border is taxing our economy worse than a liberal Senator from Massachusetts. Not to mention making it awfully difficult for your humble corespondent to order a Big Mac without breaking into hand signals and/or Spanglish. Clearly this nonsense has to stop. Now if I was running things, we would already be digging a huge five-mile moat between us and Mexico. And I’d be filling this moat with fierce killer sharks...with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads. Immigration problem solved.
*THE MEXICANS LIKE LIVING IN AMERICA BETTER THAN MEXICO*
This is really more pointless than a point considering that I have already remedied the wetback quandary, but I figure I will opine anyway if but for the love of opining. Mexicans want to come to the United States for a variety of reasons. Cleaner tap water is one reason I can think of. The unavailability of Fox News south of the border is another. But the biggest carrot at the end of the stick for the law-breaking Mexican is not a carrot at all...It is a burrito. These insidious flour enclosures of beef and beans can be found in every public school cafeteria in the USA. If not for the ready availability of these tempting delights here, the beaners would no doubt stay put in good old Mexico. Yet the burritos abide, and the illegals with them. Some cafeterias in the SW have even seen fit to add tacos, nachos, and the vile chimichanga to their menus...causing an even greater influx of los riffraff and banditos into our suburbs. It’s high time red, white and blue-blooded Americans say “no mas.” All these gas-inducing entrees need to vamoose. Or at least have their names changed to something patriotic. Tacos could be called “liberty clams” for instance. Which brings us to today’s Most Ridiculous Item ®: That you are actually still reading this! THAT is truly RI-DIC-U-LOUS!!!
Bill O’Reilly Esq.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006